What I´ve learned so far II

"People say to you "you´ve changed", or something like that. Well, I hope for the sake of God that I´ve changed, because I don´t want to be the same person all my life. I want to be growing, I want to be expanding. I want to be changing. Because animate things change, inanimate things don´t change. Dead things don´t change. And the heart should be alive, it should be changing, it should be moving, it should be growing, its knowledge should be expanding."

I read this quote and thought it would be a good introduction for my blogpost. Also because I couldn´t really think of a good start myself.
During the last weeks, as the time that I have left slowly begins to become shorter and shorter I again started thinking a lot about what I have learned and how I have changed.
I don´t know if these blogposts are interesting to read, but for me they are so important to write.
To let myself know what I have achieved, to think about what I have learned, to reflect on how I have grown. So I decided to write it all down again and I apologize in advance for the chaos. You should see my mind.

What really came to my realization during the last time, also because of the midstay camp and the Lapland trip, is that it doesn´t matter how long you´ve known someone.
Time is just a measurement and it doesn´t measure the amount you love someone or care for someone. It doesn´t matter who you´ve met first or who you see the most. What matters is if the person makes you feel safe being yourself. What matters is how the person reacts to "just tell me something" or "i need you" and if you can talk to them all day without getting tired of it. You can be as close friends with someone you have known for a couple of months as you can be with someone you have known for years. And you can be closer to someone that you have only met a few times than with someone you have spent half of your life with.
Friendships change, attitudes change, relationships between people change. Sometimes you just slowly stop talking, sometimes there´s an argument, sometimes there wasn´t really a click from the beginning on and you were just too afraid to notice. But this changing isn´t something bad. It´s good. Because in the end, if you always know who to call when things are not going good, if you always know who will be there for you and who you can be there for, you´re doing good.

In general I learned and I am learning everyday how important friendship is. True friendship. How many times my friends kept me sane, when I was having a breakdown is incredible. It touches me so much, that I have people from all over the world and all over the world, that I know are there for me. No matter how far they are.

What I´ve also learned is that sometimes you gét an idea in your head and you hold onto it so tightely that you easily see everything the way you want it to fit into that idea. And then sometimes things have to go really really wrong, you have to start crying in the middle of the day and you have to take all bravery you have and see things from a different point of view. And then you have to admit your own mistakes. Sometimes things have to go really wrong so that you can see the worth of it again, so that you value again, so that you get lose of the ideas you had.

And then, while I am really appreciating the orientations and camps and workshops YFU offers in both home and hostcountry, I learned that no one warns you about the small daily life problems. No one warns you about the little drama you unwillingly get involved, the crushes or how hard it really is to say goodbye to someone you love.

Someone gave me the advice to use every day and don´t spend a whole day inside watching Netflix. I really tried to stick to that and it took me a while to accept that this year doesn´t have to be the time of my life. I don´t have to do somehing exciting all the time and learn something new everyday. And it is totally okay to take a whole day for Netflix in bed - once in a while.
I used to get mad at myself for being sick, for having to stay inside or cancelling plans. I used to hate my body for being weak and forcing me to not do the things I want to do. But I learned that this doesn´t help anything. And it for sure won´t get me out of bed faster.
Being angry about things you cannot change might make you feel better for a short amount of time, but in the end it just exhausts you more and it is easier to learn how to accept things.
And when I look back at everything, even at the days I just came home from school, took a nap, watched a tv show and went to bed - I am having one of the best times of my life. Definitely. 

Learning acceptance is an important part of this year and I realize how I don´t feel that out of place anymore. I have mentioned it on my private Instagram once. After we came back from a small vacation it actually felt like coming home. I feel settled, I like my life here. I want it to continue like this forever. Or at least for a long while.
Seeing that it has to end soon breaks my heart.
But then again I miss my family and my friends in Germany so much, I want to go back already tomorrow. There is this thing that´s said about being an exchange student: having at least 5 different emotions at once. Lately I feel like 5 isn´t even enough.
But a thing that I have noticed since I am here is that I am more aware of my feelings. It is easier for me to name them, assess them or order them. Even when I don´t really know what I am feeling I am at least about my unknowledge. While I realized that I got better at figuring out my feelings it still took me a while to realize I also have to talk about those feelings.
I guess it´s part of growing up: learning that talking about your true feelings can be really damn scary but in the end it´s mostly worth it.

Growing up, changing, learning, falling back, accepting, making mistakes, learning more, appreciating. Exchange does a lot to you. It is something unique. You cannot really explain it, if you never experienced it.
But there aren´t many things that feel as good as hearing people you have known for a few months only saying they don´t want you to leave and they will miss you a lot.

I am so grateful for every single day I get to spend here. The fear of leaving and the anticipation of going back grow from day to day. I don´t think I will ever only have one home again. And this is the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Love,
Lona

Lapin matka

If you throw a group of complete strangers together and a few days later they have become a family for life you know that nothing is more important than connection and experiences. And when you send that group of people on a week long trip to the North of Finland you can be sure they will have one of the best weeks of their lives.

On Sunday the 12th around 11 pm it was finally time. The long waited YFU Lapland trip would start. I spent the day packing and preparing for the 15 hour long bus ride. Antonia and her hostdad picked me up and he drove us to the bus waiting in Korso. With a few other students we were the first ones to get on the bus there. It was only a short journey to Helsinki where we had a 45 minute break and picked up a bunch of other people. It was already midnight when we left but no one really felt like sleeping. Until our second stop in Tampere we threw a small bus party, then we started getting tired. I slept through the next stops in Jyväskylä and Kärsämäki. Almost everyone was on the bus now. Around six or seven I couldn´t fall asleep again but then it was already time for breakfast.
After Oulu and somewhere in the nowhere we had picked up everyone that would join our trip and continued the bus party until we arrived in Rovaniemi where we would visit the Santa Claus village.
I was really thrilled about the whole trip but meeting Santa wasn´t something I was really excited about. But when we entered the house that was decorated Christmas-ish with letters from children framed on the walls I had to grab my friends hand. Suddenly I felt like a small child whose dream comes true and when we actually met Santa, shook his hand, were surprised by his extraordinary language skills and listened to him saying sweet words, I wasn´t the only one who almost shed some tears.
After that a big smile was stuck on my face. I guess it stayed there for the rest of the week.
At around 4pm, after 17 hours on the road, we arrived our final destination. A cozy family owned hostel in Pyhätunturi. We organized our stuff and had dinner and then we were free for the rest of the evening. The first thing we did was putting on our snow clothes and explore the area. The snow reached our hips in some spots and just like meeting Santa we felt like little kids - really happy little kids. After that some people discovered the karaoke DVD in the basement and we annoyed everyone else with a more screamed than sung version of Bad Romance. 
Our program began on the next morning. After breakfast our bus took us to the nearby Arctic Husky Farm. The people who worked there explained how the sleds are used and then we got the chance to make a 1 kilometer trip with the husky sleigh. It was over way too fast, but it was something I definitely wanted to do in Finland and really fun. Everyone got their turn and then we got a tour around the husky farm. The highlight was definitely when we got to pet the little puppies that were only a few weeks old. A small break in the café later we drove to the next place. A reindeer farm. 
Here we started with a ride on a reindeer pulled sled as well. I couldn´t decide which was more fun, but at least the reindeer ride was longer. 
Then we had lunch in a cozy house. It was - of course - reindeer soup and an alternative for the vegetarians and vegans. When we were done with eating one of the owners of the farm, who were all Sami people, so indigenous Northern people, told us about their culture. It was really interesting and we had so many questions but we all were quiet when she sung a so called joik, a traditional song, for us. The joik didn´t have words and the only instrument was a drum that she first warmed over the fire but the feeling it gave us was almost magical. The trip to the animal farms ended with us feeding the reindeers and trying the lasso throw that they use to catch them - I failed horribly. 
For me the Lapland trip could have been complete by that day already - I mean I saw huskies and reindeers! But there were so many more great things to come.
The evening was spent like all the others this week. Sauna, iltapala, talking, dancing and enjoying being together. 
On Wednesday morning our skiing (or snowboarding) adventure started. After everyone was provided with the fitting equipment the different groups went their ways. There were the people who exactly knew how to ski, the total beginners, the cross country skiers, people who wanted to try snowboarding and us - three people who have skied once before and a ski teacher. Slowly we worked ourselves from the children hill to the family slope and got used to the feeling of standing on skis again. I just know that our teacher recognised our bright smiles the second time we went down the hill and I told him I forgot how much fun it was. After we tried some slopes and rehearsed techniques the ski lesson was over and we were free to explore the ski area on our own. 
The day that we spent on the animal farms and Saturday when we drove back to South were cloudy and snowy. But all three days in between were incredibly sunny - I even got a sunburn, believe it or not! - with perfect blue sky and an amazing view from the top of the hill. We spent the days on skis, trying new routes, roasting marshmellos over a fire, listening to music on lift rides and only making pauses for fries or waffles in the restaurant. Me and my friend skiied together most of the time because our skill level was almost identical. The best thing was to see how we improved and could go down the steepest part of the red slope pretty fast at the end of the time even though it took us 15 minutes and a lot of bravery and persuasion the first time. 
The days woud have been great with only skiing but after we went home for dinner around 4pm other really cool things happened. 
The first thing was that we went out to check the sky for Northern Lights in the evening. We had done that the night before and weren´t lucky. Now the apps and the internet predicted a comparatively high chance but the YFU volunteers told us not too get our hopes too high. We walked outside and only saw a weirdly shaped white thing in the sky that could also be a cloud. We were already on our way back when one of the volunteers came outside to check the sky and she told us that it was a Northern Light and in which direction we should go to get the best view. We walked the small distance to the lake where we had been ice fishing the day before. I think none of us had the right clothes and I couldn´t feel my legs anymore. But by the time we walked there the cloud thing chnaged to something that we could actually identify as a polar light. When we stood on the lake we saw a Norhtern Light behind the forest that looked like the earth was glowing and another light on the horizon climbing up the sky. While we were watching they turned from white to green and it was one of the most touching things I´ve ever seen. Later that night and also on the next day we saw even better lights - they are supposed to be the best lights in the last twenty years - not only green but also red and purple, dancing over the whole nightsky. But for me the most special time was this first time we saw them, everyone gazing up in silence, amazed by something that you only know from post cards, speechless and so grateful that we were so lucky to get to see such a spectacle.

Credits go to whoever took these pictures. I´m glad there were people who did.

On Thursday evening we departed for a visit to the Northern Lights Academy. When our bus pilot Petra announced that it was about an hour and 15 minutes drive away we were all surprised but then we remembered we were in Lapland and nothing is close. Laying on our backs in a small tent we got a presentation about Northern Lights so we exactly knew what we marveled at the other day. 
On Friday evening, after our last wonderful day of skiing, we left to make a tick behind the last thing on our bucket lists - next to reindeers, huskies, polar lights, ice fishing and Santa: ice swimming. 
Warming up as much as we could in sauna and then dipping into the water and then back to sauna. I have to admit that it felt really good afterwards and I even did it twice but to be honest: it is not my favourite thing to do. 
Even though we were all really tired and our stuff wasn´t nearly done being packed, we stayed in the common area in the basement long this night. YFU had promised a get together in summer for everyone but it still felt like the last time we could be together like that. And it was the last evening of a trip we didn´t really want to end yet. But if there´s one thing we cannot stop or slow down, no matter how much we want to, it is time. So on Saturday morning at 8 all suitcases were packed and we sat on the bus, waving to the owners of the hostel until we couldn´t see them anymore. 
During the 14 hours that it took us to get back to Korso where I left the bus with some other students as the very last, I maybe got to sleep half an hour. I should have slept more but I didn´t want to miss any of the time I had left with these people. There was a lot of crying on the bus ride, a lot of hugging, a big applause for everyone when they had to leave at their stops. A lot of music, memories, laughter and friendship.
When my host mum asked me the next day what the best thing about the trip was I couldn´t name anything. And not because I had to answer in Finnish. "Kaikki?" she asked. "Kaikki." Everything. 

I have written this blogpost days ago but I didn´t upload it because I couldn´t come up with any final words. I feel like it has to be something meaningful, something special, something that worships this trip as much as it is supposed to be. Words that express my gratitude for being able to live that experience, to see and do all these things. Words that express my love for the people that were on this trip with me, who are so important to me and who I will miss so so much (and also all the people who couldn´t be there and who we all missed very much). But I can´t think of anything. And maybe that is words enough.

Maybe this video does better than my words and gives you an idea of how great this trip was and these people are. Enjoy watching. 

(Keine deutsche Übersetzung heute aber das Video sagt mehr als alle Worte)

Wanhat

 (English version and pictures below!)

Vor etwa drei Monaten haben sich alle Elftklässler unserer Schule in der Turnhalle versammelt. Ein bisschen neugierig, vielleicht ein bisschen nervös, haben wir auf die beiden Sportlehrer gewartet. Als sie mit großen Lautsprechern gekommen sind, haben sich Paare gebildet und hinter den Lehrern aufgereiht. Und dann haben wir angefangen zu tanzen. Oder es zumindest versucht. Es hat bestimmt fünf Minuten gedauert, bis mein Partner und ich überhaupt herausgefunden haben, wie wir unsere Hände zu halten haben. Und dann haben wir unsicher und stolpernd versucht die Schritte der Lehrer nachzumachen.

Viele Wochen und Tanzstunden später sind alle in Kleidern wie Prinzessinen, den schönsten Frisuren und Fracks und weißen Handschuhen in die diesmal geschmückte Turnhalle eingetreten und haben 11 traditionelle Tänze und einen selbst ausgedachten Tanz präsentiert. 

Was das alles ist? Wanhat, übersetzt "die ältesten", ist der Prom der Finnen, nur dass es sich ziemlich zu dem Prom unterscheidet, den man kennt. Wanhat tanzen die Eltfklässler, nachdem die Abiturienten ihren letzten Schultag haben, um zu feiern, dass sie jetzt die ältesten an der Schule sind. Wanhat war mit Sicherheit eines der besten Erlebnisse meines Auslandsjahres.

Nachdem sich die Frage "Oh Gott, mit wem soll ich denn tanzen?" als viel einfacher herausgestellt hat, als wir Austauschschüler gedacht haben (am Ende hat einfach irgendjemand dich gefragt, der noch einen Partner gesucht hat oder Freunde von Freunden haben das ausgemacht), haben wir für zwei Monate dreimal 75 Minuten in der Woche in bereits erwähnter Turnhalle verbracht.
Und versucht tanzen zu lernen. Die Laune wechselte immer zwischen "wir werden das nie lernen", "was auf Erden ist das für ein Schwachsinn", "das macht unfassbar Spaß" und "Hilfe, ist  das wirklich schon so bald??", aber alles in allem hatte ich eine richtig gute Zeit in diesem Kurs.
Da meine Gastmama sich mit mir glücklicherweise schon Monate vorher um ein Kleid gekümmert hat, hatte ich diese Sorge nicht mehr.
Doch "Hast du schon ein Kleid? Wie sieht es aus?" war definitiv eine der beliebtesten Fragen unter den Mädchen. Je näher der große Tag kam auch "Gehst du zum Friseur?" und "Was ist mit deinem Make-Up?". Einerseits habe ich immer ein wenig innerlich die Augen verdreht und das alles als ziemlich überbewertet befunden. Aber andererseits habe ich schon Wochen vorher meiner Mama Fotos von meinem Schmuck geschickt und nach Rat gefragt, was ich tragen soll und meine Freundin, die meine Haare machen sollte, halb terrorisiert, damit sie früher kommt und wir länger Zeit für das Styling haben.

Ausgerechnet in der letzten Woche vor dem Tanz sind mein Partner und ich krank geworden und wir haben beide Generalproben verpasst. Aber das hat mir eigentlich nur geholfen, das ganze nicht so ernst zu nehmen und mich mehr auf den Spaß zu konzentrieren.

Am Donnerstag, dem 15. Februuar, schleppte ich mich morgens in die Schule. Denn bevor den Elftklässlern die Bühne - oder Tanzfläche - überlassen werden kann, mussten die Abiturienten natürlich noch einen feierlichen Abgang haben.
Penkkarit heißt diese Feier. Alle Zwölftklässler kommen verkleidet als was auch immer (meine Favoriten: ein Dino oder zwei menschliche Biergläser) in die Schule. Sie müssen den Schulleiter irgendwie zur Schule bringen - hier wurde er thronend auf einem echten Pferd auf den Parkplatz geführt. Dann unterbrechen sie normale Unterrichtsstunden und schmeißen tonnenweise Süßigkeiten. Nach der Abi-Gala, einer Show bei der halbwegs lustige Spiele mit Lehrern und Schülern gespielt wurden oder Preise für den, der am meisten blau macht oder die Fashion Ikone des Jahrgangs verliehen wurden, fahren die Abis auf Trucks weg und zu Grundschulen in der Umgebung, um dort auch Süßigkeiten zu verteilen und vielleicht sogar dem Lehrer von ganz früher zu winken.

Das mit den Trucks habe ich jedoch leider nur aus Snapchatstories mitbekommen, denn wir sind früher gegangen, damit auf jeden Fall genug Zeit bleibt um uns fertig zu machen.
Anne (tuusulaandme.wordpress.com) und ich hatten unsere zwei persönlichen Stylistinnen, die einen wundervollen Job mit unseren Gesichtern und Haaren gemacht haben und auch als Fotografinnen bestens funktioniert haben. Ich habe mich am Ende wirklich nicht so verkleidet gefühlt, wie ich gedacht habe.
Mein Gastvater hat uns zur Schule gefahren, wo auch fast alle anderen schon da waren. Wir haben ein paar Bilder gemacht - die Jungs waren nicht sehr ausdauernd, bei Minusgraden vor verschneiten Büschen zu posieren. Dann hatten wir den letzten Durchlauf, bevor die Zuschauer kamen. Mein Partner und ich hatten so ziemlich alles vergessen und es war mehr so "welcher Tanz kommt jetzt?" "Keine Ahnung, mal sehen was die vor uns machen". Doch es ist besser gelaufen als gedacht.
Nach einer kurzen Ansprache des Schulleiters und Saft aus Sektgläsern, nach dem letzten Mal Nase pudern und nachdem ich mir noch von meiner Familie ein paar liebe Worte abgeholt habe, ging es dann los.
Ganz offiziell sind immer zwei Paare hereingelaufen, die Namen wurden angesagt, es wurde sich verbeugt, beziehungsweise ein Knicks gemacht und alle haben sich für ein Gruppenfoto aufgestellt.
Und dann wurde es ernst. Auch wenn ich mich ziemlich konzentriert habe, möglichst nicht so viel falsch zu machen, hatte ich Spaß und habe nur zwischendurch vergessen zu lächeln.
Am Besten war der Tanz am Ende, der sogenannte Oma tanssi, deren Choreographie ein paar talentierte Menschen entwickelt haben. Die Jungen hatten sogenannte fast glasses in ihren Frack-Taschen und mit Anspielungen auf verschiedene Memes haben wir zu 80er Jahre Hits und Gucci Gang getanzt.
Zum Schluss gab es einen Walzer bei dem man Familie oder Freunde auffordern konnte. Danach haben wir ein paar Bilder gemacht, meine wunderbare Familie hat mir Rosen geschenkt und wir sind unfassbar erschöpft nach Hause gefahren.
Doch das ganze war noch lange nicht zu Ende.
Am nächsten Morgen kam ich in der Schule an, in Jogginghose und T-Shirt, mit unfrisierten Haaren und ungeschminkt. Etwa eine halbe Stunde lang versuchte ich irgendwas aus mir zu machen, was nur halbwegs dem vom vorigen Abend gleich kam. Dann verzweifelte ich und rief meine Freundin an. Zum Glück waren einige meiner Freunde auch schon da und es hat sich mal wieder bewiesen wie toll sie sind. Meine eine Freundin meinte nur, setz dich, ich kümmere mich. Sie hat meine Haare gemacht, während eine andere beruhigende Worte übrig hatte. Und schließlich ist ein Mädchen, was eigentlich im selben Raum ein Nickerchen gehalten hat und mit dem ich noch nie ein Wort gewechselt habe, zur Hilfe geeilt und hat mich geschminkt. Überall wurde gegenseitig Lidschatten aufgetragen, Haare frisiert oder Kleider geschnürt. Es war zwar nicht mehr der große Tag, aber trotzdem würden wir nochmal zweimal tanzen. Einmal für Grundschulkinder und einmal für die Schüler unserer Schule und der zugehörigen Junior High School. Von Tanz zu Tanz haben die Leute weniger ernst ausgesehen und schienen mehr Spaß zu haben, nach den Tänzen wurde teilweise gedabbt, als die Reihenfolge verändert war haben wir nur gelacht und am Ende sind wir mit den Kindern fröhlich herum gehüpft. 
Zwischen dem ersten Tanz um 10 und dem zweiten um 12 konnten wir Mittag essen. Danach mussten wir einer anderen Tradition folgen und einmal mit unserem Partner durchs Lehrerzimmer laufen, den Schulleitern die Hand schütteln und uns vor dem Rest verbeugen. Ich hab nicht wirklich mitbekommen, wieso wir das machen, aber es war sehr förmlich. 
Beim letzten Mal tanzen war ich fast ein bisschen wehmütig, dass es jetzt vorbei ist. Aber als am Ende "Shut up and dance with me" gespielt wurde, Glitzer geworfen und wir uns alle in die Arme gefallen sind war ich auch unglaublich froh, dass es dann vorbei war. 
Danach hatte man die Möglichkeit, zu einem fancy Mittagessen zu gehen, auf das ich aber verzichtet habe. Ich bin ganz gemütlich mit Freunden zu McDonald´s gegangen und dann nach Hause um ein wenig zu schlafen, vor dem endgültigen Abschluss der ganzen Aktion  - jatkot, die Afterparty. Bei einer Freundin haben wir uns fertig gemacht und wurden dann zur Feier gefahren. Es war tatsächlich für eine Weile ziemlich lustig. Die Finnen, die sonst doch reservierter sind, wurden offen, haben plötzlich problemlos Englisch geredet und einen dauernd umarmt, auch wenn man sich vorher noch nicht gekannt hat. Nach einer Weile wollte ich dann aber doch nach Hause.
Ich war unglaublich erschöpft am nächsten Tag, aber es war alles in allem einfach eine einmalige und so schöne Erfahrung. So etwas haben wir in Deutschland nicht und es war einzigartig, hat viele neue Freund- und Bekanntschaften gebracht, es war mal etwas ganz neues und ich werde diese Tage bestimmt so schnell nicht vergessen. 
Ein großes Dankeschön an jeden, der diese Tage so wundervoll gemacht hat. 

***

Approximately 3 months ago all the Second Graders (people from eleventh grade) gathered in the gym. A bit curious, maybe even a bit nervous, we waited for the two P.E. teachers. After they arrived with music speakers, we paired up and built rows behind the teachers. And then we started to dance. Or we tried to. I guess it took me and my partner at least 5 minutes to even figure out how we have to hold our hands. And then we tried following the teachers steps, unsecure and stumbling. 

Many weeks and many dance lessons later, we walked in the exact same gym, that was now covered in glitter garlands and paper snowflakes, the girls wearing the prettiest princess dresses, with most fascninating hairstyles, the boys in tails and white gloves. And we presented 11 traditional dances and one own dance.

So what is all that about? Wanhat, translated the old, is the Finnish prom, except that it is pretty different from the prom you probably know. Wanhat is danced by the Second Graders, after the graduants leave the school, to celebrate that they are now the oldest. Wanhat was definetely one of the best things in my exchange year. 

After the question Oh God who am I dancing with? turned out to be easier than we exchange students thought (in the end someone who was still looking for a partner just asked you or friends of friends arranged it) we spent 75 minutes three times a week for two month in this already mentioned gym hall. 

And we tried to learn how to dance. The mood constantly changed between I will never understand this to What on earth is this? to Well, this is actually quite fun and to Is it really already so soon? but overall I had a really good time in these classes. 

Because my hostmum luckily made sure that I bought a dress months ago, I didn´t have to worry about that. 

But Do you already have a dress? And what does it look like? was for sure one of the most populaar question around the girls. The sooner the big date came, the questions whether you are going to get your hair done professionally and how you are doing your make up also came up. On the one hand I occasionally rolled my eyes (only on the inside) because I thought everything was kind of overrated. On the other hand I sent my mum pictures of my jewellery weeks ago, asking for advice what to wear and I almost begged my friend who was supposed to do my hair to come earlier to my place, so that we would have more time for it. 

Just during the last week before the dance my partner and I were both sick and we missed the final rehearsals. But this actually helped me to not take it too serious and concentrate on the fun I would hopefully have.

On Thursday, the 15th of February, I dragged myself to school. Because before the stage - or the dance floor - could be left to the second graders, the third graders of course have to have a solemn departure. This celebration is called penkkarit and all the abiturients come to school dressed as whatever they want to. My favourites were a dinosaur, beerglasses and these two guys here:

They bring the principal to school - in our case he was lead to the parking lot sitting on a horse. Then they disturb the classes by throwing tons of candy around. After the abi gala, a show where they played more or less funny games with teachers and students or gave prices for being the person who skipped school the most or the fashion icon of the grade, the third graders leave the school on trucks. They drive to the local primary schools, where they also throw candy and maybe even see their teachers from the very beginning. 

Unfortunately I saw the whole truck thing only on Snapchat stories because we left earlier to get ready.
Anne (tuusulaandme.wordpress.com) and I had our two personal stylists, who did a great job with our hair and faces and turned out to be great photographers as well. In the end I didn´t feel as dressed up as I thought I would. I actually felt like myself, and that was really good. 

My host dad drove us to school, where we many others already met up as well. We took some pictures - the boys weren´t that sustained to pose in front of snowy bushes with minus degrees outside. 

the exchange students were the ones whose dresses didn´t match with the other ones, but I guess that was fine

Then we had a last run through before the audience came. My partner and I had forgotten almost everything and our attitude was basically What dance is next? Let´s see what the people in front of us do but it went better than I thought it would. 

After a short speech from the principal, juice out of champagne glasses, a last time powdering the nose and after I got to hear some lovely words from my family it started. 

Two pairs always walked in together, bowed and their names were announced. It was really official.

We lined up for a group picture and then then it got serious. Even though I concentrated on not making too many mistakes, I had a lot of fun and only forgot to smile occasionally. 

The best part was the last dance, so called oma tanssi or own dance, a few talented people came up with the choreography for. The guys pulled fast glasses out of their pockets and with references to different memes we danced to 80´s hits and Gucci Gang. In the end there was a Waltz where you could ask people from the audience to dance with you. 

After all the dancing, we took a few photos more, hugged a lot of people, my wonderful family gave me flowers and we drove home exhausted and tired. 

But it wasn´t over yet. 

I arrived in school the next morning, wearing sweatpants and without any make up. I tried to make something half as fancy as the day before out of me but after half an hour I started to panick, gave up and called my friend. Luckily they were in school too already and it was another prove of how great my friends are. One just directed me to sit down and told me, we got this. She did some magic to make my hair look neat, my other friend had calming words and even a girl I never spoke to before interrupted her nap to do my make up. Everywhere people tied each others dresses, braided hair or applied eyeshadow. 

It wasn´t the big day anymore, but we would dance two more times. One time for the children and teachers from the primary school and one time for our own school and the Junior High School. From dance to dance people seemed less serious. Some started dabbing after the dances and in the end we happily jumped around with the kids. Between the first dance at 10 and the second at 12 we had time to eat. Before the last time we danced we had to follow another tradition and walk through the teacher´s room with our partners and shake the principals hand. 

I almost felt a little wistful, dancing for the last time. But when Shut up and dance played in the end, glitter was thrown and we hugged each other I was also really happy that it was over now.

Then we had the chance to go to eat in a fancy restaurant, which I didn´t do because I thought it was too expensive. I casually ate McDonald´s with friends and then I went home to sleep a little before the very end of the whole thing - jatkot, the afterparty. 

I got ready at my friend´s house and then we went to the party. It was actually really fun for a while. The Finns, who are usually more reserved suddenly became very talkative, spoke English to us without any problems and hugged us, even though we didn´t even know each other´s names. Maybe it was me still being quite sick or me not being used to party anymore, but after some time the only thing I really wanted was to go home and sleep. 

I was so exhausted on the next day, but all in all it was a unique and wonderful experience. We don´t have anything similar in Germany and it was so nice to not only see this part of Finnish traditions, but really be a part of it. It was something that brought a lot of new friendships, I learned completely new things and I definetely won´t forget it that fast (also because my lovely host grandparents taped everything and made me a whole video from the dance)!
A big thanks to everyone who made these days so awesome!

Back to the start - Midyear Orientation

(unten ist die deutsche Version!)

Hello everyone,
I hope you´re alright. I´m really good and at the same time really sad. Both due to last weekend, where all the YFU exchange students in Finland had the pleasure to meet for the Midyear Orientation camp.
On Friday morning I took the bus to Helsinki where I met with some of the others and we went to Burger King (because cheap food and enough space for all our backpacks). With the time a lot of other students joined us and it was so nice to finally see them again. Especially the ones who don´t live in Helsinki or around and who I haven´t met since the On Arrival Orientation. After some snack-shopping we went to the bus station where we met the rest of the group. There was hugging everywhere and I immediately felt so happy to be with these people again.
Two busses took us to Anjala, two hours to the East from Helsinki, where we also had our first camp. It was like "going back to the start". Exactly to the place that we spent our very first days in Finland in. Only it was covered in snow now. 
After we´ve arrived and gotten some general information we got our housekeys and cards that showed our name, our country and our schedule for the weekend. There was some time to organize our stuff, but basically we just talked because there was so much to tell each other.
Then we had dinner and after that our first workshop, this time all together and not in the smaller groups we were spereated in. The workshop consisted of the YFU volunteers throwing paper and scissors in the middle and the task "build your exchange year" and us glueing different collages together. And some people were practicing life art by laying on the floor doing nothing "because that´s what exchange students do". Once we were done with that we had some kind of rally to test our Finnish skills and get into the YFU feeling, but actually to talk and be together and fool around. We weren´t quite sure but we thought that one task was to invent some kind of group scream and sadly we never got to present our special shout including Spice Girls and turtles.
The rally lead us to the fireplace where we spent the most of the evening, wih sausages and marshmellows. After our feet got too cold we went to the gym hall and after we had to leave it shortly before midnight, some of the girls gathered in one of the houses to sing happy birthday to one lovely friend.
Back in my own house we sat on the couches, ate candy and talked about everything from Finnish boys to world problems until it was almost half past one. When I fell asleep I had this warm happy feeling, to be exactly at the right place with the right people.
On Saturday morning we started the workshops in small groups after breakfast. The aim of the workshops was basically to make us realize what we have achieved and how we can improve to get the best out of the rest of our year. We drew charts, wrote down what we have given to our host community or analyzed a play by the volunteers to understand that communication is the key. We also had an open space workshop, where we could just walk around and have conversations about different topics.
A really emotional moment was, when we got letters our host families had written to us. They were - unlike our first thought - extremely lovely and it was so touching to read how you found a way into the hearts of a family that was so strange to you six months ago.
The breaks where spent playing "What do you meme?" or, like Sofia (szrsuomi.wordpress.com) said in such a perfect way, just doing nothing together.
In the evening we went to the sauna cottage, for iltapala, sauna and rolling in the snow
After that we we went to the gym hall. I had the feeling that we were even closer than during the arrival camp and I realized once again how much I love these people.
The evening ended in a dodge ball game, another happy birthday (screaming this time), some YFU-pride and a group hug - due to some people who had too much energy left.
On Sunday we tried to ignore the tiredness and enjoy the last activities. Which for my group included writing a rap about the popular movie "tuntematon sotilas" (the unknown soldier) and shouting no niin occasionally in between. But at lunch you could feel that the mood was down. It was quieter, notebooks for small messages were passed around and some people even shed some tears.
Our last workshop was full of a mixture of emotions. Memories, when we got back the letters we wrote ourselves in the beginning of our year. Honesty, downcast and also acceptance when we had to write down the three worst experiences we had during the exchange. And fun, when we got to match name tags, hostcountries and age to the teamers.
And then it was already time to go back on the bus. I felt like we didn´t have enough time together, but then again I don´t know if any time would be enough. But we also didn´t really have time to say goodbye to each other, which was sad, as it was the last time we would all for sure be together.
Back in Helsinki a big part of the group went to Burger King again, because we weren´t quite ready to go home yet.
Being in Anjala, surrounded by fellow exchange students and volunteers kinda feels like being on an island. We are young people from all over the world, we are so different - but there´s this one big thing that connects us. We are all exchange students in Finland, all trying to learn this language, all struggling sometimes, all alone in a strange country. Having something like that in common makes us like a huge family and I´m not exaggerating when I say I love all these people with all my heart.
But as sad as it was to leave this island full of love, understanding and support, it was nice to come home. A home where you are expected and the pockets full of new memories and new motivation to live the fullest out of the time we have left.
Thank you to everyone who was there on the weekend. 

Love, 
Lona

***

Hallo ihr Lieben,

ich hoffe es geht euch gut. Mir geht es sehr gut und gleichzeitig bin ich ziemlich traurig. Beides aufgrund des letzetn Wochenendes, an dem alle YFU Austauschschüler in Finnland an dem Halbzeit-Treffen teilgenommen haben. 
Am Freitagmorgen habe ich den Bus nach Helsinki genommen und dort einige andere Austauschschüler getroffen. Zusammen sind wir zu Burger King gegangen (denn: günstiges Essen und genug Platz für all unsere Rucksäcke). Mit der Zeit vergrößerte sich unsere Gruppe und es war so schön, diese Menschen wiederzusehen. Besonders diejenigen die nicht in Helsinki und Umgebung wohnen und die ich teilweise seit dem Camp am Anfang des Austauschjahres nicht gesehen habe. 
Nachdem wir ein paar Snacks gekauft haben, sind wir zur Busstation gegangen, wo wir den Rest der Gruppe getroffen haben. Überall wurde sich umarmt und ich war augenblicklich so glücklich wieder mit diesen Menschen zusammen zu sein. 
Zwei Busse haben uns in zwei Stunden nach Anjala in Ost-Finnland gebracht, wo wir auch schon unser erstes Treffen hatten. 
Zuerst haben wir allgemeine Informationen bekommen und unsere Hausschlüssel sowie Karten mit unseren Namen, Heimatländern und einem Plan für das Wochenende. Dann hatten wir vor dem Abendessen ein wenig Zeit uns einzurichten, aber eigentlich haben wir nur geredet. Denn es gibt so viel  zu erzählen. 
Nach dem Essen hatten wir unseren ersten Workshop. Alle waren zusammen und nicht in den kleineren Gruppen in die wir aufgeteilt waren und der Workshop bestand aus den Volunteers, die Schere, Zeitungen und Papier in die Mitte gelegt haben, der Aufgabenstellung "mache dein Austauschjahr" und uns, wie wir verschiedene "Kunstwerke" zusammengeklebt haben. Ein paar Leute haben "lebendige Kunst" praktiziert, indem sie auf den Sitzsäcken gelegen und nichts getan haben - also quasi das Leben eines Austauschschülers inszeniert. 
Danach hatten wir eine Art Rallye in kleinen Gruppen um unser Finnisch zu testen und in das YFU-Gefühl reinzukommen. Aber eigentlich nur um weiter zu quatschen und herumzualbern. Wir waren uns nicht ganz sicher, aber wir dachten eine Aufgabe war es, eine Art Gruppenschrei zu erfinden. Leider konnten wir unseren Ruf, der Schildkröten und Spice Girls thematisierte, nie präsentieren. 
Die Rallye brachte uns zu einer Feuerstelle, wo wir den Großteil des Abend verbrachten, mit Würstchen und Marshmellows. Als unsere Füße zu kalt wurden sind wir in die Turnhalle umgezogen und als wir diese um kurz vor Mitternacht verlassen mussten sind einige Mädchen in einem Haus zusammengekommen um "Happy Birthday" für eine liebe Freundin zu singen. 
Zurück in meinem eigenen Haus saßen wir bis fast halb zwei auf den Sofas, haben Süßigkeiten gegessen und über alles - von finnischen Jungs bis Weltproblematiken - geredet. Als ich eingeschlafen bin hatte ich das warme glückliche Gefühl genau am richtigen Ort mit den richtigen Menschen zu sein. 
Am Samstag haben wir mit den Workshops in Kleingruppen nach dem Frühstück angefangen. Das Ziel war zu verstehen, was wir schon erreicht haben und auch zu überlegen, wie wir uns verbessern können, um das Beste aus dem Rest unseres Jahres zu machen. Wir haben Tabellen gezeichnet, aufgeschrieben was wir unser Gastumgebung geben, ein Rollenspiel der Teamer analysiert oder in einer offenen Runde uns über verschiedenste Themen ausgetauscht. 
Ein sehr emotionaler Moment war, als wir Briefe bekommen haben, die unsere Gastfamilien uns geschrieben haben. Im Gegensatz zu unserem ersten Gedanken waren die Briefe sehr liebevoll und es war so schön zu lesen, dass man in den Herzen einer Familie ist, die einem vor 6 Monaten noch so fremd war. 
Die Pausen haben wir mit "What do you meme?" verbracht oder, wie Sofia so schön gesagt hat, einfach nichts zusammen machen.
Am Abend sind wir zum Saunahaus gegangen, für den Abendsnack, Sauna und natürlich im Schnee rollen. 
Auch danach waren wir alle zusammen in der Turnhalle und ich hatte das Gefühl wir waren uns noch näher als bei der ersten Orientation und ich habe wieder einmal realisiert, wie sehr ich diese Menschen liebe. 
Der Abend endete in einem Völkerballspiel, einem weiteren Happy Birthday (mehr geschrien diesmal) und einer Gruppenumarmung - denn ein paar Menschen hatten zu viel Energie übrig. 
Am Sonntag versuchten wir die Müdigkeit zu ignorieren und die letzten Aktivitäten zu genießen. Für meine Gruppe hieß das, einen Rap über den bekannten Film "tuntematon solitas" (der unbekannte soldat) zu schreiben und zwischendurch no niin zu rufen. 
Doch beim Mittagessen konnte man merken, dass die Stimmung gedrückt war. Es war stiller, Notizbücher für kleine Nachrichten wurden herumgereicht und ein paar Tränen vergossen. 
Unser letzter Workshop war eine Mischung aus Emotionen. Erinnerungen, als wir die Briefe zurückbekamen, die wir uns am Anfang des Jahres geschrieben haben. Ehrlichkeit, Niedergeschlagenheit und auch Akzeptanz als wir die drei schlimmsten Erlebnisse unsere Auslandsjahres aufschreiben sollten. Und Spaß, als wir Namensschilder, Gastländer und Alter den Teamern zuordnen sollten. 
Und danach war es auch schon Zeit wieder in den Bus zu steigen. Ich fand, wir hatten zu wenig Zeit einander tschüss zu sagen, denn es war das letzte Mal dass wir sicher alle zusammen sein würden.  
Zurück in Helsinki begaben wir uns wieder zu Burger King, denn wir waren noch nicht wirklich bereit wieder nach Hause zu gehen. 
In Anjala zu sein, umgeben von Austauschschülern und Volunteers, ist ein bisschen wie auf einer Insel zu sein. 
Wir sind junge Menschen aus der ganzen Welt und wir sind so verschieden, doch da ist diese große Sache, die uns alle verbindet. Wir sind alle Austuschschüler in Finnland, wir alle versuchen Finnishc zu lernen, wir sind alle allein in einem fremden Land. Und dass wir diese Sache gemeinsam haben macht uns zu einer großen Familie. Ich übertreibe nicht, wenn ich sage, ich liebe diese Menschen von ganzem Herzen. 
So traurig es war diese Insel aus Liebe, Verständnis und Glück zu verlassen, so schön war es, wieder nach Hause zu kommen. Wo man schon erwartet wurde. Und die Taschen voller neuer Erinnerungen und neuer Motivation, alles aus dem Rest des Jahres mitzunehmen, was geht. 
Danke an alle, die dieses Wochenede so großartig gemacht haben. 

Alles Liebe, 
Lona  

(credits for the pictures go to lore, diego, toni and probably someone else)

Half time update

Today is the 13th of January. It´s my 164th day in Finland. And it marks exactly the half of my exchange year. Yes, just like that almost 5 and a half months are over and in another 164 days I will be sitting on the plane back to Germany. Thinking about that makes me feel a set of the most different emotions and I thought what is a better opportunity to give a general life update than half-time?
They always tell you being an exchange student is like being on a rollercoaster. And I can tell you, I´m really living that rollercoaster life to the fullest during the past months.
There comes a point, I can´t exactly tell when it happened to me, where you lose the rose-tinted glasses and not everything is fine anymore.
I recognized how I started to be annoyed by little things, by certain behaviours of certain people. I realized I wasn´t so eager to integrate anymore. In some moments, when someone was talking Finnish, I just wanted to cover my ears with my hands.
There were days when I thought "I just want to go home" and by home I meant Germany. I meant my family. I meant the people I´ve known for 16 years. I meant the places I´ve grown up in, the place I love.
Probably the best reason for these thoughts is the simple feeling of exhaustion. Because being an exchange student is extremely exhausting.
I am living in another family and no matter how close we are or how much I love them, they are not the people who have known and raised me my entire life and they´re voluntarily offering me a home, without gettig paid back in a material sense. And if I have a bad day, I can´t just go home and beef around, start a senseless fight or yell. Or I mean I could, but I won´t. Because I am too grateful for what they do.
In other situations where something is bothering me, I try to first think about why I feel that way and if it´s actually something that affects me in a bad way or if I just want to be mad about something.
So, being an exchange student means a lot of holding back. It means a lot of smiling and nodding while you´re screaming on the inside, maybe just because you didn´t sleep at all the last night. I don´t convulsivley try to keep my emotions inside, but I´m still more careful with them then I´ve ever been before.
But it also means a lot of room for thinking and reflecting. The actions of others and yourself, the reasons behind them and always the question "but what am I doing, to make this situation better?".
Exchange year means growing up, they also tell you that. But I never thought that it would be so suddenly. There were days, when I didn´t feel so good; nights when it was 3am and I still couldn´t find any sleep or just moments, when there was a weird kind of pain in my body and I wasn´t sure what to do -
In these moments I thought about how stepping on the plane that day in August, I left behind all the possibilities to be a little girl again. Of course I was growing up before and I managed a lot of things on my own. But there was still always this safety that I could crawl into my mums bed when I needed some cuddles in the middle of a sleepless night. I always knew there was my dad who would come and pick me up anywhere and anytime. Everytime I was feeling weak I knew there was someone to  make me some tea or soup, talk to me or just hold me in their arms. Or call the doctor to make an appointment for me when I really was too anxious to do it myself.
Here I feel like I can´t be that kid anymore and sometimes it´s hard. Because at the same time everyone assumes you´re always mature, you lose a lot of freedom you´ve had before. At least I do. Finland is a pretty safe country, I can do a lot of things and my hostparents actually aren´t that strict. But still - I can´t just be like "hey I´m going to that party tonight and I´m staying there. See you tomorrow!". It´s always weighing between what I want, what others want, what is allowed, what is expected, what am I supposed to do...
Accepting that it´s not the same here takes time and will. Not the same habits, not the same rules and not the same people. Especially with the people part I was (or I am) struggling sometimes. Because even though I´m trying not to, I sometimes compare. I think everyone does. My friends here are not and they will never be the same as the friends I have in Germany. My mum is not the same as my German mum. They won´t act or react the same. And I can´t expect them to. But that they are not the same doesn´t mean they aren´t as good. They can be so different and still so great. And isn´t exchange also about hanging out with people you never even would have talked to in the first place?
But this, as dramatic it probably sounds, is only a tiny, tiny part of my year. Even though it´s tiny, I still felt the need to write about it. I don´t want anyone to think that it´s always easy and perfect. It is not and probably no one´s exchange year is, no matter how it seems on the outside. But I am still so lucky and my problems are so small, I don´t even want to call them problems. Everytime I felt absolutely tired of everything, two hours later it wasn´t a big deal anymore. And in the end the good memories are so much stronger.
And besides the really really rare nights where I feel like I don´t want to do this anymore, there is a lot of great stuff happening. This is the time of the year where I really realize who I am close to. I´ve built a lot of really good friendships. With Finns and with other exchange students. I am more than thankful for the other little family I found in my beloved fellow exchange students. Everyone says, you shouldn´t hang out with exchange students so much and befriend local people. Of course you, but no one ever tells you how good it is, to have other exchange students. People in the same situation, who always understand you, who can become the closest friends in such a short time, even though you all come from the most different cultures. I honestly wouldn´t know what I´d be doing without my other foreign friends.
I also start too feel worried about not having enough time to do all the things I want to do and see all the places I want to see. That´s why I am planning some trips and visits for the next weeks. 
My New Year´s Eve was pretty chill, as I spent it with my family. We went bowling and ate raclette and had a pleasant time.
Otherwise I spent a lot of time with my friends during the holidays, at least the time I wasn´t sick. We went ice skating, played pool or just met to play cards and eat. The last weekend of the holidays my family rented a cottage in a sports resort place, one and a half hours from Tuusula. We spent wonderful three days there, eating, swimming, going to sauna and on beautiful walks in the forest. And my new wintershoes survived the two hours marching through the snow (because the path was too icy) without my feet getting wet - so I think they passed the test. 
The weather is still not really cold (compared to what I hear from all the exchange students in the USA/Canada), but luckily the last days the temperature stayed under zero degrees and we had amazing sunny winterdays. 
In school we´re busy practicing the dances for the Wanhat. It´s the prom in Finnish schools, organized for second year students. They celebrate that they´re the oldest ones in school (wanhat), after the seniors graduate. We have to learn 13 different dances, which are not really difficult themselves but can be kind of confusing. Anyhow I´m really enjoying it because learning old traditional dances is such a "once in a lifetime" thing. And even though I feel like all the outfit and getting ready part is a little overrated, I´m looking forward to the "big day".
I finally got a gym membership to feel better about all the Fazer chocolate I´m eating and I joined a theatre project. 
Most of the time I´m in a really good mood and when I play piggy in the middle with my family and laugh so hard I almost drown in the pool or when I look at the sky burning in pink and orange as the sun sets or when I just fall asleep with this deeply happy feeling in my stomach, I know I´m still just right here. 
Being an exchange student is like being on a rollercoaster. It has happened to me that I started crying because I have to leave everything here one day and it hurts so much to know that and 10 min after that I was crying because I missed my German family. 
It´s a rollercoaster but exactly this is what makes it so special. It is what makes you grow and learn. 
And the main thing is, that I know I will get off that rollercoaster one day and I would totally do it all over again.