50 days here. 50 days ago I arrived in the country that already feels more like a home to me than a vacation spot. Scared, excited, worried, ambitious, eager to learn and with a fully open heart to let in the experience, all the people, all the moments, I arrived.
50 days don´t sound that long compared to the more than 16 years that I already spent on that earth. 50 days don´t even sound long compared to the almost 300 days that I´m still going to spend on excactly that place on earth.
Nevertheless I don´t think I´ve ever learned that much in that small amount of time.
I am not talking about formulas, vocabulary or terms. I guess I´ve never studied less than here. There is a reason, why my classmates think it´s unfair, because we don´t have to take the exams and nobody cares about our homework.
But I am talking about life.
Everybody said that exchange is about learning. I truly believed that but I definetely wasn´t aware of what actually I will be learning during this adventure. And it has only been 50 days.
Being abroad, a student in a foreign country, with an unknown language and part of a different family life, you learn. You learn about culture, about yours and the one that´s about to be partly yours. You learn about people, their way to live, to act and to talk. You learn about prejudices, about expectations and fitting in (or not). You learn about friendship and love, how much it really matters and how unaware you were of your comfortable life before. You learn about communication, that it is the key though, but talking isn´t the only way of doing it. You learn about value, about habits and about gratefulness. You learn about your family, your country, yourself. You learn about learning.
I learned, I am learning everyday.
I did not only learn how to use my credit card correctly with the first try, how to handle my phone in Finnish and that I can rely on my sense of orientation more than I thought I could.
I learned how to value everyday. I get up every morning and I tell myself to care, to not just sleep away the afternoon and to ask people how they are, even if I don´t really feel like asking anything at all.
There were so many days in my life, where something went wrong and I just decided that it´s one of those bad days. That it´s one of those days where I only talk to people when needed and hide myself in my hoodie and under a blanket. I´m not doing that here. Of course it´s okay to have bad days and to hide, but my life here is too precious, the time I got is too short to just decide to be in a bad mood.
And I won´t lie, it´s hard sometimes. The efford you have to make, every single day. You had that life back in your home country that you built for so many years. You had your friends, the people to hang out with, the peope to call and the people to cry with. You lived in that small circle of knowing each other for so long you don´t even remember the time it was weird to sing in front of the other ones. Once you are out of that circle it is of course great and exciting. But it´s exhausting and even tiring at the same time. You have to do it all over again. Open up, starting conversations, remembering things, making others talk... But I learned to still continue, no matter if I am motivated or not, because I know, that it is, that the people are, worth it, in the end.
I also learned to value all the small things. Every hug, every smile, every "thank you" becomes so much bigger and can make your whole day, if it´s not a routine thing anymore.
I learned a lot about trust. Since the total beginning I had to trust people. So many new faces, a completely unknown family, new classmates, new adults to rely on. I had to trust them, that they care, that they just want the best for me, that they want me to be in their lives, that they will bring you back home in one piece, that they will like me - that they are simply good people. I had to trust my family and my friends back home, that they will still be there for me but that they will let me go too. I had to trust myself that this is something I can do. I will eventually find the way home, I will feel better, I am doing my best, no matter how much that is.Trust is a big thing and without the trust that everything will always be okay, I don´t think I would have gotten this far.
I learned to dare myself sometimes and how important it is to be brave. Even if that means to take the more uncomfortable way. Don´t turn around, go in there and introduce yourself. Ask. Swim. Speak.
I learned that I should take every chance I get to try something new. To be braver than before. And I learned what kind of things make me feel like I don´t want to be brave.
I´ve only been here for 50 days, which feels both, way longer and way shorter. The thought of ever leaving again could already make me burst into tears. But I am so happy that I had the greatest experience so far and that my journey, my way of learning about life, is far from over yet.
Hugs,
Lona
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